Only those willing to go too far will know how far they can go.

Hui Blueberry on Toasted Bagel

My father says I’m angry,

my mothers says I’m frustrated.


Me, I think I’m just moody,

it comes an goes in cycles–

28 days to be exact.

Ask me one day, I’ll

shout: The world is my oyster!

Ask me the next, I’ll

bury my head

in the sand.

But that’s just

Me       Now.   One day

I’ll pick you flowers and

the next I’ll pluck their

petals off (he loves me not).


When the self-proclaimed physiologist,

            a.k.a. my father,

sat at my tiny, blue and pink

speckled kitchen table and

provided his professional opinion

concerning the dividends on my emotional affairs,

he speculated:

You still have a lot of anger inside you,

 that’s something you’ll have to work


my blue eyes dilated.

He spread my cousin’s homemade jam

on his toasted bagel–never

missing a beat.              He raised

his eyebrows and theorized:


You let stranger’s actions upset you

too much / Don’t sweat the small stuff–you’ll

never see them again / Why let it bother you /

maybe they’re ignorant, but again maybe

they’re just having a bad day. 

 I swallowed

my spit–saliva slid down my esophagus

and combined with the black coffee still

lingering in my stomach.            He took

a sip from his coffee cup:


flushed face thought–Will there be a finder’s fee

for that psychological profile?


I sat silent

at that tiny blue and pink speckled kitchen table,

stared into his hazel eyes (my knees p o u n d e d

the table’s underside)–

still afraid my warm tears

would start streaming (I thought I had

gotten passed this?)

His lecture meticulously continued

And                  I           listened             cautiously:

Who cares…/like that man yesterday (I knew

what he was talking about).


He sighed, took another bite of his bagel,

smiled with glassy, attentive eyes

The morning light illuminated

his balding runway formation hairline.

His well-defined forehead creased and

accentuated his destination.


                                         He was quiet.

The subject was dropped for the remainder of his visit

though the thought still pulsated in my brain like

drinking too much coffee on an empty


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